Its whatever

I love Jesus. And I have finally come to realize that I finally do. I never understood what it means to be like "He gives me peace", but I finally realize I always have known.
Its like no matter what you're going through, you know at the end of the day he has something in store for you past your problems. No matter how stressed out you are, you can always rest assured that God is still God and he never changes. One day, you will be able to rest forever and none of this nonsense will matter. Jesus is the freaking BOMB and I love him and the peace that I can't explain that he gives me. Everything will be alright. So this psychology test, journalism test, and speech that are all due as soon as the school week starts that are gonna kick my non existant butt is WHATEVER.

do not awaken love

I am determined to keep looking until I find someone who doesn't display a look of shock and disgust when I say I didn't vote for Obama. That being black isn't the most important thing when choosing a president. And that before I am black, I am a Christian. Also, I hate ignorance, I hate people obsessed with conspiracy theories when you couldn't possibly know anymore than what anyone else knows but stomps around as they do. I hate that even Christians turn a blind eye to what's going on in the middle east despite what they claim to believe in the Bible.

whatever. I don't care how judgemental this is. this is my blog

bound

I realized that way too often, I define myself on a scale and not on a 'this-or-that'.
I like to walk ever so moderately down the book of guidelines. Not really on the DO side, but not really on the DON'T side. Just right down the middle. I define the things I do in my life in terms of technicality and not righteousness. With God, its black and white. There is no 'kind of right'. Yet, I try to kind of do the right thing at the same time. I fear that I am far more self righteous then I make myself out to be. I think I am such a good person because I haven't had sex yet. I think I'm a good person because I am a Christian swimming in a pond of Agnostic-mystic-eastern-liberals and still "keeping my faith". I think I am a good person because I own a Bible and read it when I'm feeling like today's the day that a connection will be made. I think I am a good person because I am willing to talk to people about God, give a homeless person money, and work on not drinking instead of accepting the fact that I'm in college and that's just what we do.

But I'm not a good person. Not a good person at all. I'm a saved person. A forgiven person. But I'm not good.

Anyway, I digress. I am tired of walking borderline with God. Because I feel he then walks borderline with me. Its like I feel that God's rules are laws instead of love-guidelines. In laws, there is a spirit of the law. Kind of like, If you go 10 over on the interstate, its okay. If you go a little too far with your love interest, its okay, so long as you don't have sex. That isn't okay. Because if I really cared about what God thought, I wouldn't even walk close to that line.
But that's the thing. I DO care about what God has to say and the plans he has for me and how that makes him feel. But I just can't stop doing things that I know aren't right.


Anyway. All of that was too much information.