Micah 6:8: 2009

To be real and to the point. I struggle with many things. I've not been open and honest about them. I liked to keep them secret so I could be the 'good christian', but I want to be done with them. Plus, even the good christian is seen as a used tampon in comparison to God. Don't judge me. I can talk about it because I am over doing it.

In 2009 I will stop party-drinking. One or two drinks when I'm out to a meal, but no more than that ever. And even then, rarely.
In 2009 I will not smoke cigarettes or pot.
In 2009 I will get rid of all my lustful strongholds
In 2009 I will stop indulging in all of my food-related desires.
In 2009 I will make every attempt to stop being impatient, stubborn, quick to get angry, and closed off.
In 2009 I will start being healthy and taking care of my body.
In 2009 I will focus on school, keep my room cleaned, and be more organized.
In 2009 I will make every effort to seek out God and give him what he paid for.

In 2009 I will do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God.

Leah

So. I know this is lame. But I wrote a song about Leah. The Leah in the Bible. If you don't know the story you should read it. I think I am the only person who feels sorry for Leah...haha. Anyway, I know its not really that good but since I have nothing else to post... :


jacob where are you
oh jacob are you far
oh jacob wont you come back to our
bed
i loved you first
i was here first
i know you were decieved
i know you were coerced
to take me

jacob
I know I'm plain and homely
but see my pain and hold me
that is my plea
even my father thinks nobody else will have me
but we could be so happy
I love you my master my leige
forget about Rachel and take me
just take me, oh, Jacob
Oh, Jacob, just take me.

you dont sleep in our bed no more
not even a smile my way no more
i know you love my sister more
i heard you kissing through the door
you worked for her for seven years
I must admit, that's cavalier
but where's your badges now my dear
could you spare some love for me my dear?
i know im not a pretty sight
but could you love me as your wife
could you love me as your wife
you said her name while you slept last night

Life currently.

This Christmas break has not been so good. For many reasons that I will not get into because they are petty and stupid. But one of the biggest reasons is that I am lonely. Sure I have a lot of friends, but they seem so distant. Or that we don't really connect. Or that they have their own circle of friends and I am just a random friend. Lame. I know it probably won't change- I don't want to have to force any one to be my friend. I know I have lots of them, but it seems that I don't have friends the same way I used to - or they way anyone else seems to.

On another note, all I do is work. All the time. I feel like I'm working to live even though I never really get to experience the living part. Although, when I'm not working, I'm bored at home moping about my sad life. So its a lose-lose situation.

I know all of this is lame and uninteresting. I think the next post I make will be a short story or an slice of one of my stories or a song that I've written or a poem (I know there are no commas in that), because those, although pretty bad, are not as boring as what is going on in my life right now. Haha. :)

Because

I'm trying to watch my steps. But that isn't as easy if you're doing it in the moment...so I figure, "Why not keep a journal so you can look back at what you've done."

To me, this is more mature and revelant than like...xanga.
Less flamboyant than myspace or facebook.
Kind of private but definitely accessible. :) Just the way I like it..

I have a lot to say, a journal is something I need...but writing just takes a lot of the punch out, you know? Typing is so much easier, but I feel like whenever I post something on a VERY public venue such as myspace or facebook, I find myself deleting it right after because I feel like people are wondering why I am complaining so publicly...etc. This way, they know what they're getting into before they click the link. No one can be like,"Stop complaining! No one cares!" etc...cause, well, it's my journal! >:)

Anyway, if I stay true to how I always am, this will probably be the first post of 6 today, and then I'll never post again. But lets hope (well I hope) that isn't the case.

-Gabrielle